Have you ever? September 11, 2008

• Felt such a strong pull from God but you can’t quite hear what he’s trying to say? Sometimes I think he’s just telling me to shutup and relax. I picture God like that. You know, laid back and will just call you out, yet still be the numero uno person you run to. I like that picture of him a lot
• Wanted to talk to someone but no one is there to talk to? Sure I have a roommate, and two girls that I’ve met across the hall, but no one that knows the real me. It gets kind of lonely
• Wanted people to tell you what you want to hear just so you reassure yourself?
• Wanted the “ideal relationship” with someone, and then something happens where you have to start from square one again? sucks.

 

I feel so out of place sometimes. I’m living in what seems like my own little city and no way to get out of it. I sit here in my dorm, writing out my own little pity party and listening to Hillsong United. It’s become normal for me to have at least a daily breakdown it seems like.

I haven’t been eating much–which is strange. I just don’t have an appetite. I feel so empty right now, and I don’t know what to do about it. I have a feeling on my chest like something is pressing down on it. I know it’s God trying to talk, but I can’t listen. For some reason I can’t hear him. I don’t have enough time to gather my thoughts and try to hear what he’s saying to me; and this should never be the case.

I’m just ready to relax, pray and listen, and EAT all day long. But, as a nursing student I won’t be able to do that until after I’m out of school. Guess I don’t have to worry about that freshman 15 for now, right?