Yesterday, I was driving (story of my life) and I felt that I needed to spend some time with God. Since I’m in my car a lot that is usually where I try to catch up on my conversations with Him. I usually don’t listen to Christian radio simply because most of the music is from the 90′s and it is all one dimensional; but last night I was. Two songs came on back to back that spoke to me. One was about letting go and allowing God to catch you. The second song that came on was “Lead me to the Cross.” So, I put these two together and got the message of “let go, trust me, come to me.” This leads me to my next point….
…Today in church, we heard a powerful message about healing. I am really trying to let the wounds from past events heal but because of the wall I have built up around me it has been pretty difficult. I had a minor breakdown (sobbing included) at the end of the service because our pastor invited people up for prayer who needed healing. Where was I? In my seat. I didn’t move for a couple reasons. 1) I barely know my new church family. I don’t even know how to tell them what I need prayer for! 2) I have a hard enough time letting people in on my struggles that I know, much less people whose names I don’t even know!
Looking back, I should have gotten up and gone for prayer. Me sitting in my seat was extra time of me holding on to pain. I’m scared about starting the healing process because of what it is…a process. It won’t be instant; and I want it to be.
Oh, self improvements. Why must you be so difficult?
